I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
accomplished twins. life is a go
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
