I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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