I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
