I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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