if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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