My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
