apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
