tell your sister to shave her snatch
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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