Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
whose parrot is this?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
