I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
