Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
