..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
