I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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