Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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