I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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