You smell like stripper and shame
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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