Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
