mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
