I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
