A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
