Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
