dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
