my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
