Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
