Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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