I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's shark week go big or go home
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
