My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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