What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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