38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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