If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
