the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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