Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
