And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
