well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize