according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
