hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
