there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
