Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
