sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
