I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
false alarm, still single
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
