South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
