Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
