I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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