I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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