I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
