She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
