He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
