that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
