I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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