How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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