woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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