Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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