Please, let me fuck your mom
They should really pass out barf bags in church
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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