I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize