i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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