She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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