2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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