you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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