I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
In America we eat man semen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
