thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
