You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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