I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
