Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
