Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
