I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
