Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
