I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have post one night stand depression
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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