Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
