the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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