I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my being single is dangerous.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
