Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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