I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
