its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
