yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
