we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
foreskin is a definite game changer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
