omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
