She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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