I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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