Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
