First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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