wake up i wanna do it froggy style
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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