Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize