Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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