sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
