I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
