Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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