I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
