Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
