So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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