I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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