upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
