Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize