I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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