I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
