Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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