Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
