Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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